The World is Quiet Here

My thoughts expand as much as your lungs
As I walk a campus filled with more memories than people
Yet it feels empty
And it’s quiet

Even when the sun sings over the mountains
I feel the presence of you
On the other side
Yet I’m caught
When time was a year ago

I’m caught in a present past
And it’s quiet
Where I can’t go back

And it’s quiet
Where I now stand
Where I and your presence lack

The world is quiet where we can’t speak
Yet we both see
Where we can both be.


[for my friends, the three that have gone and those with whom I can relate]

Stars explode, too

Not even the sun could shy your smile
Your eyes put light to shame
And I’m just a little speck in the universe
To your glowing conglomeration
And I want to be gorgeous
Beautiful like the idling gasses
The pressure on my head
Pushing me deep inside my bed
I’m my own black hole
Until I burst and realize
Stars explode, too
Maybe I’m just like you.

Change

You've come to misunderstand
That I am more than you thought

I've learned what's been taught
I'm less than I thought

We've both been duped
And it pulled more than a few hairs
And more than a few years

I see, or so I think I see
That as I've reestablished my ground
Yet you think I was worse off

I was, am, and will be fine
But it's harder to learn alone
When we forget and need reminding
So I placed a trust upon you

It proved to work so far so well

But time has recycled
And I will not wear your definition of me
Just like I've refused the past few

I may change through learning
But I am still the same

You may stay mistaken
And I'll try to not give up

Someday we'll both see
why we received what we received
and why I took my step towards growth and change
and you stayed to see the worst of me

They say...

There are times in life that shape who we are. These times are many.
I want to say "I am because," but in actuality "things are because I am." And it's these times that only help me to better see myself than to become myself. My potential has always been, I may just be reluctant to being it sometimes. It's a choice to be less than what I am, and I try to choose otherwise.
These experiences with agency teach me to be more like who I am, to learn more of who I am.
I chose to accept the responsibility to be me and to accept the consequences of choices I and others make.
I propose that "things are because I am" because life was made for us as individuals.
Life is tailored to who we are. My life has been tailored according to my strengths, my weaknesses, my talents, my passions, my fears, to me - to who I am.
I am not tailored for the life I experience.

Smiles (My Friends)

Are like pieces of sunshine you can gobble up
You can just keep eating
You won't get fat
You only look more beautiful

I love your smile when you think I'm funny
You'll hug me and laugh out loud
With great light in your eyes

Your smile when I quickly kiss your cheek
Gives me butterflies
To know I've made you happy
Your smille when you hug me
I know we are great friends

The smile you shine makes me feel so young
I love your special laugh
And knowing you're being yourself
And you've made me a best friend

You're a babe with your smile
Your stupid jokes and mocking laugh
My best friend and favorite brother
Most contagious smile

I keep your smiles in my pockets
Pull them out now and then
Try them on and love my days

let's build our mirrors and face each other

your life is a thread intertwined,
interconnected with mine

our friends, the passing people
the problems, the blessings
spinning, weaving
in and out
over, under
back and forth
picking up, dropping, cutting, adding

with this one hand
I'll grab your other
You grab theirs and off we go
A tapestry to make

We'll find loose ends and tie them up
Snip the splits
and trim the edges
as this tapestry is growing

Like ants toward the bread crumb
Our lives are amassing
coloring the wall
until the nails that hang us can no longer be seen
through the master weaver
coordinating the colors
with each unique square
on that paint-by-numbers map

I'll stand here
If you'll stand there
Here's my end,
Let's make this beginning

Take each
tiny
delicate
silver
celestial
glass
piece
(I'll grab the last one out from your poor eye)
and meld your mirror together there
as I plant my own here

And as standing tapestries
Look.

Si Sabes, Si Supiste ... Se Que Supe (Heads Up)

[probably the weirdest creative juice spill you'll get from me]

Take it!
One and two and thee and four
Five where you running off to?
Connect it!
Make the highest five.
Yeah, yeah
Supe que sabes
Se que supiste
Pero si sabes
Si supiste
EXPLOOM!

Yeah, yeah
If you know
If you knew
You'd know
no wouldn't you?

See the picture
Finger paints splatter the wall
wall
wall
Yeah, Yeah
Can't you see the babe in the cradle
the child on the swing
me dancing in the field
and yeah, yeah
nunco nunco
si, nunco
You'll never know.

But
one two three
if you saw me
dive off the cliff
right into that jello called life
Bouncing
Sinking
Slipping
MMMMMM delicious
Nom nom nom.
You would understand
Now wouldn't you?

Pero, no me entiendes.
Que triste
Monsieur rectangle.

just get to the point.

Yeah, yeah
This window would change
Deform
Malfunction
Soy
that window
would change
now wouldn't it?
Si sabes
Si Supiste
Se que supiste
Y no puedes saber mas
no mas.

Yoj

Take me in
Submerse me
Collect the glittering specks
Flaming, bursting masses
Occupying the beautiful space
That is yet to be filled.
Collect them.
Each and every one.

Now...
As a rock I was
Change me
Crush me
Into rapids flowing down the creek
Into waterfalls plummeting
Singing in agony
Singing in praise
As the pool so carefully stirs
Churns particles of life
Into me.
Open me.
Open my soul,
My heart,
My mind.

With each blossoming galaxy
Whisper
Where the words lie extinct
Whisper
And with your glory
Each blessing place
Like soft petals pressed into a rose
To grow within this spacious cavity.

Fill it.
Constellations
Fiery sunrises
Moon reflections
Prairie oceans
Towering majesties
Steadfast trees
Glimmering seas
All illuminated by your glory
Fill it.
Fill me.

In one uncharted valley
You fill with love, light, and life
Indescribable, pure joy
The symphony for my being
I can't imagine abandoning.

Fill me
Once more
Please.

Demons on the Brow

Lengthy nights come on after the other
like static in the airwaves
not one change in the wind
as the wind outside my room stirs
and spins
and twists
with the storm
inside my mind.
Neither can be separated.
Not even the room or my skull
create a boundary thick enough.
The demons tied me up
and slowly started skinning
conjuring thoughts that never existed
from my sweet memories they find
along with the stressful nightmares.

It's at night when that looming darkness
creeps and pounces upon my soul
after checking that the coast is clear
that no one is there to prevent me from
screaming
pulling my hair
crying
pleading
killing my poor innocence.
no one there to hold me
until my lips can barely utter one silent prayer.

They crouch around me
with all my dead birds hanging by their tail feathers.
they drop each one
plopping them onto the electrical wire.
They bring back the accepted dead
the things that never really mattered
due to my naive age back then
bring back my already-sloved rubicks cube
in a most nasty mess
and like the wire
each little bird hangs - unable to fly
drooping my brow
pressing my eyes to tears
releasing the corners of my lips
into a frowning parachute
searching for a place to land
somewhere
where death of my mind
is not inevitable.

The demons
The demons
trying to dig a hole to my head
and drain my brain.
They have no purpose
other than to drag my down
destroy me.

I just want to sleep
rest in comfort of safety.
I don't want to raise a war
don't want to kindle the fight.

I just want the sun to rise.

slick as oil
oily as the world.

the thoughts can drown me
drown me in the very oil
creating those evil spirits
slipping into my ears
and I can't close my eyes
I only find more darkness
so they stay glued to position
looking for the faintest light
to save my sleep.

and by sometime my body surrenders
I find myself waking up
feeling fine, but refusing the night.

Don't force the poison down my throat
that makes me spit out disgusting lies
that scare me of my friends
and make me hate misery more.

It's all in the demons
No matter how the days go
They'll still hate me
and they find their way in
when I can't sleep at night.

I want to see your hand.

They know what they know
They know what I know
And I got so close they'll do anything
To strip me of my worth.

Oh Father, hear me now.
'Tis eventide.