walking home

each step
and its assigned number
pressing against this cement
taking note of all the feeling
overcoming the foot.
I walk home
a mile on my own
numb
spaced
thoughts collapsing on themselves.
The breaths I take
mean so much more
inflating these lungs
then deflating 'til gone.
gone
gone
empty.
The feeling is divine
I don't understand why it's mine
Why am I still here?
how is it I can still focus
on the details often taken for granted
I almost ache to touch a leaf
passing at my side
just to feel
to feel alive.
I have no desire
to fill this stomach
or rest my eyes
they actually ache to close.
Continue on, though
I know my body needs it.
Lost in my mind I almost feel
so disconnected
and just the light pain of walking
I want it
I want to feel
to taste
to hear
to speak
to smell
this walk
teaches me well
with the time I get to myself
on my own
to see
to stabilize understanding
to learn
to remember
to cry
and welcome any peace
a reminder, bitter sweet.

Then to walk with you
keeping gears in motion
remind me there's a life
to which I must resume.
and feel the warmth you give
that just calms my soul
make my feelings whole
the friendship that I need
provided at my side
to see the smile you give
and try it on myself
without needing to check a mirror.
to feel peace
in life not alone
an arm to prod me along
remind me who I am
replace my focus on something else.

the balance between
life and death
the necessity in
being alone and
being together
the importance of the roles
all events play

I realize walking home.